Eyes wide open

I see things and people for what they really are now.

It is depressing that this week had to be what it was. I realised that the people I thought I was close to I actually am not. I am not one to rant and rave about situations I can not change but this time around I can't even help it.

I have spent over a year with the same people, vibing with them and thinking I was one of 'them' but truth be hold I am not. So I have taken it upon myself to stop trying to fit in. I know the world has made us think we need people to survive but I am going to try to go through life with less people.

I mean I have my mother, my family, I have God so in actual fact I just need to be satisfied with that and move on. My days of thinking friends will always be there to hold your hand in the dark are fading away quickly and that's not such a bad thing. I read a quote recently and it reads,"Make as many friends as you can, but don't build your life on them alone. It is an unstable foundation."

If I am going to take anything from this unfortunate situation it will be strength. I will not be defined by the number of people I have in my life.

Hopefully I wont be this mad for my next post.

xoxoxoxo

When the holiday ends

Being home was like being in rehab the past three weeks and I mean that in the best way ever.

University is busy and is a rush, I always have to hand an assignment in or have to go chasing someone down for a story and when I do get a break, scarcely, all I can think about is when the next assignment is due. Basically I never have the time to just sit down and think, take a break and just not worry about anything. I guess only children get to do that now.

But being at home helped me get away. I was away from the rush, the unhealthy food, unhealthy habits, loud corridors just everything. I was in the peaceful space of the house that I grew up in and quite frankly it is exactly what I needed. I wish the holiday could have been longer in fact because the work I did just on myself was rewarding. but now I'm back to stressing and that suffocating feeling is coming back. The fact that the second semester is shorter and we have to finish everything in order to pass is making me suffocate faster.

SOS!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

Just chilling

So with the holidays looming the school work has somewhat gone down. I still have a couple of tests waiting for me before the vacation starts but I am already mentally on holiday.

Which basically means I have had time to surf the net and of course I could not miss a glimpse of Caitlyn Jenner who I personally cannot compare to Bruce Jenner anymore but I guess that was the point.

No matter how weird or unexpected it was for me who has been watching the famous reality show, Keeping up with the Kardashians, from day one I have now settled down. I understand why Jenner had to go through the change, she needed it. From the pictures I have seen Caitlyn seems happy and at the end of the day that is what life is all about.

Do you booboo! do you!!!

xoxoxoxoxo

Stress trying to kill me

This year is proving to me daily that it wont end until I die.

I have no control over it because I clearly can not quit school,  I want to, God knows I want to quit but I cant. There is an unknown reason for all this suffering I just wish I knew what it is already. I don't even remember the last time I took a selfie. Not to mention just sitting on the couch thinking about what to watch on the television.

The life of a student is most times not seen to be difficult but I for one have come to see it. I congratulate all those who have graduated... the day seems too far for me.

Hopefully next week I'll have something legit to blog about but for now all I can say is, life is tough.

xoxoxoxoxo

Decisions decisions...

There is something about having to make decisions that just depresses me, it is worse when the decision has to do with choosing one or the other. Why life cannot be easy, I do not know. I mean is it bad that a girl wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Life would be so much easier if I knew the outcome of either one of the outcomes of my decision beforehand. I need to know which one is best for me, the one that will lead to my happiness because at the end of the day we all want to be happy. I have been procrastinating this thing for weeks now but it’s time, I need to make up my mind about something that means the world to me.

I cannot get into the specifics about the decision I need to take because that alone will make me emotional and I have planned to make it without putting too much thought into it. I am only twenty one so I feel like if I do not take risks now then I never will.

It is going to hurt but I need to do this, after all making mistakes is what life is all about, and who’s to say the decision I take won’t be the best one I ever make??

xoxoxoxo

The most shocking interview

I used to watch Dr Phil with my mother ages ago but stopped as I never had the time to watch it. This changed recently as the interview he did with Nick Gordon the boyfriend of Bobbi Kristina Brown was trending on twitter.

I heard people calling it a 'must see' like some new movie so naturally I had to watch it. When I finally got around to doing so I was so shocked by what I saw. Now I realise that Dr Phil is really good at what he does but I personally do not think the interview or rather the intervention was supposed to be televised.

The young man was not only drunk but his emotional state was not of someone whose problems must be showed on TV. He is clearly going through a lot with the condition Bobbi Kristina is in. He somehow blames himself for not being able to help her or prevent the whole thing from happening, this was revealed on the interview. His mother was there and just like most people I caught myself wondering where she had been all this time, I had never even heard about her before the Dr Phil interview.

I fell like too much has been televised regarding the Houston's in general so this aspect should not have been especially with the state Bobbi Kristina is in. Nick was all over the place crying one minute than trying to keep himself together as he did not want to look 'weak' on TV. I was saddened by the whole thing and hope that Gordon went to the rehabilitation centre offered to him by Dr Phil and is hopefully getting the help he needs.

If I learned anything from watching the intervention it is that life is hard enough when one is not famous, I cannot imagine what it is like to be in the shoes of Nick Jordan and do not wish to.

The Easter weekend it should have been

So each year I wait for the Easter weekend to come around, not just to show appreciation to the man above but for another slightly less serious reason.

I have had a crush on a guy from church for years now and usually what happens every Easter is that I see him and we have what I think is a moment... It could last two seconds and I would not mind as long as this ritual carries on. It keeps the spark alive you know?

Well not this year, I guess because I spent the whole week leading up to the Easter weekend getting excited about seeing him, I jinxed things and he did not come. Either that or because there were to many people at church I missed him. Whatever the reason, problem is I did not get to see him, and because I live far from where he lives the chances of me seeing him again before I leave for school are slim.

Regardless though I had a good weekend. I mean at the end of the day Easter is not about seeing ones crush right?

xoxxoxxo